I dare you to do this experiment:

1. Write down on a piece of paper your ten biggest fears (i.e. losing my job, not being able to do something fun that I was planning, etc, etc)
2. Hide that paper in a place you will remember
3. Mark a date on your calendar. Use Google Calendar for example, and have it send you a reminder. This date should be far enough away, that all the events your list of fears pertains to should be resolved by then. Or if you want to get quicker insight, you can set several dates along the way.
4. After that date comes, get your list out, and count how many of your fears came true

Typical Results

Typical results are as follows:

• 7 out of 10 items never come true, or are taken care of in a way that is easier than feared
• 2 out of 10 items do go as bad as feared, but do not at all cause any problems, because interest in the outcome of those items has pretty much disappeared in the mean time
• 1 out of 10 items really is actually as feared, and poses a challenge

Let me know how your results look like. Let’s say that about 1 out of 10 of your fears actually come true. I think this is a very reasonable result that people will get. Shouldn’t that say something? To me it says that most of our fear-based suffering is completely unnecessary.

Intellectually, you may agree. Most fears tend to simply be wrong perceptions. They just don’t happen. This being the case, they serve no rational purpose. And since humans are rational beings, why not simply do away with these irrational and unhelpful fears?

The Mind is Not Rational

Intellectually, we say “Don’t be afraid.” And our mind immediately revolts and says “Be afraid!” The mind is a sense organ. Just like our eyes and our ears, the mind gathers perceptions about the world. Many of these perceptions are ones of fear. It is not really a question about the mind being rational or irrational. It simply is what it is. The mind is an instrument that is constantly presenting us with perceptions about the world. And these perceptions are often wrong.

The Snake and the Rope

There is a very old example illustrating this point. Say it is dark outside. As you are walking along, you see the outline of what appears to be a snake. The mind shouts “It’s a snake!” As a result, you experience fear. You go home, light a lamp, and bring the lamp back to the area. Then you find that the snake was nothing but a piece of rope.

In countless ways the mind constantly gives us wrong information.

We Suffer Needlessly

We suffer a great deal because we willingly believe the information the mind gives us. If we train ourselves to not immediately react to various thoughts in the mind, then we could avoid needless fear and anxiety.

F.E.A.R. Stands For False Evidence Appearing Real

You may have heard of this acronym before. It is an interesting tool that people can remember when they are struggling to not accept false information from the mind. People can see that they are afraid of something. Then they can accept the fact that they are experiencing fear. Then they can say to themselves. “This particular fear makes no sense, and does not serve to help me. It is false evidence.”

Fear and Relationships

Fear is what causes all problems in human interactions. Say you are married and your spouse does something that makes you angry. Behind that anger is actually fear. Think about it. Say you had some expectation of your spouse, and he or she did not live up to it. As a result, say you get angry. That anger is because of a failed expectation that you created. And the reason you created that expectation is because you had an aversion (i.e. you had a fear) to not creating that expectation. In this way, creating desires implies fear.

Fear and Expectation

How can you be sure that you are on a track that will enable you to really love other people? The answer is to not create unnecessary expectations of other people. If you are constantly expecting things, then you will naturally tend to favor people who meet your expectations, and disfavor people who do not. If you don’t expect things of others, then you can love them equally. Then there is no fear surrounding whether or not they will satisfy your expectations.

Gratitude In Place of Expectation

But if I don’t expect anything from anyone, doesn’t that make me like a zombie? The solution to this question is far from having a hollow head. Instead of expectation, why not try gratitude? Let everything you receive from someone be a bonus. Expect nothing, and be free. Then watch as good things effortlessly come to you.

Fear and Real Love

Here is the real test. In real love there is no painful reaction. If there is pain, then that love is mixed up with attachments, fears, and expectations or desires. The more we grow in real love, the less we react.

The Mind Must Be Refined

Am I to regard my mind as something I should constantly distrust? If it is constantly giving me wrong information, what is the point of having it? We have a mind so that we can refine it, and then use it for its highest purpose. This purpose is to see things as they really are, and not with distorted perceptions. That is a wonderful task in life. The mind is an instrument. And just like any instrument, it can be refined, and made more reliable. When the lens of a microscope is dirty, you clean it. Then it gives the user much more accurate information. In the same way, the mind can be refined. Some practical ways have been given in this article. These include the listing exercise at the start, the F.E.A.R exercise, and also the suggestion of gratitude. There are hundreds of ways to refine the mind. The most well known way is meditation.

The State of Perfection

If you can be literally 100% free of fear, right at this exact moment, isn’t that the same thing as perfection? We seek for things in an effort to become free of lack. But the moment we stop fearing is the moment we stop desiring or expecting. This is the same moment we stop needing. In other words, we have no more lack. And if we have no lack in our being, then that is said to be the state of perfection.

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